Traveling with teens is somewhat different than traveling with younger children. Teen-agers want to be more independent and are not always inclined to agree with everything a parent wants to do. Many teen-agers want "time alone," often difficult to achieve on a trip. Traveling can be stressful and tiring, especially an active vacation or a trip to a far distant, exotic locale. Relaxing vacations can also produce boredom, especially with teen-agers, who, in addition to needing friends their own age, also need lots of activities to work off their high energy levels. During vacation you and your kids are thrown together for longer periods of time than that to which you are accustomed. There is often no place to retreat from one another, other than the far corner of a hotel room or back seat of a car. Family dynamics, such as sibling rivalry, will often be exacerbated during a vacation. As a single parent you are going to bear the brunt of your teen-ager's frustration, boredom, anger, and exhaustion, which changes from minute to minute. What's a single parent to do?

Grin and bear it.
First of all be prepared that arguments and disagreements will occur, even with the best-laid plans and itineraries. This is especially true with teen-agers. As wonderful as each of our vacations were, there was usually a few mini-disagreements throughout each day plus at least one big "blow-out" during the trip. As the years would go by and I would think we had a system going to diffuse those arguments, family dynamics would change, and we would be back to ground zero. As my daughter finished college, my son entered his "terrible teens" and began to feel "outnumbered" by two adult women as he maneuvered through his changing status in the family. More than once on a trip, he would storm off on his own, only to join us an hour or two later, as if nothing had happened. Just remember that no matter how much you argue, years later, if the trip was well planned, your memories will focus on the good times, not the disagreements, even though you swear at the time you will never travel with your kids again.

Get buy-in from your kids
In an earlier newsletter, I wrote about ways to get your kids involved in the trip planning and how to prepare a fun-filled, exciting vacation that offers something for everyone to enjoy. Following these principles will help to eliminate some of the conflict, which is especially important with teens.

Borrow a kid
Borrowing a teen-aged child is one solution to traveling with teen-agers, especially if you are traveling to an area where there will not be a lot of other young people. Of course you need to exercise caution when selecting a new travel companion and ascertain beforehand that the young person will adhere to your travel rules, even if they are different than those imposed by his or her family. Being a single parent, you should not be shy about asking the other parent(s) to cover the additional cost of bringing along their child.

NB: When you bring a child that is not your own on a trip, even if that child is a relative, you must travel with the following documents:

• A copy of the child's insurance card · All necessary medical information about the child - allergies, prescriptions, etc.
• A written signed letter from one or both parents giving you the permission to get immediate emergency treatment at a local hospital without having to wait for the parents to be contacted.
• A list of all contact information for the parents
• If you are going out of the country, even just to Canada or Mexico, you must travel with a written signed letter from both the child's parents granting you permission to take that child out of the country. (The word "both" applies even to divorced parents).

One last note on borrowing kids, make sure they have different socks than the rest of your family. During our three-week trip out West, when we "borrowed" a friend for my son, the word "share" took on new meaning when we did our weekly laundry containing 28 pairs of identical white socks.

Allow your child some space and freedom
When the kids were little it was understood that we all stuck together, at all times, when traveling. As each of my children entered into their teens we began the delicate dance of when to let go and when to rein in. This is a tough call and an individual family decision. What do you do when your child is asked out on a date while you are traveling or is asked to join a group of teen-agers for a few hours? If you are on a cruise ship or staying at a resort hotel, it is somewhat easier to keep tabs on their whereabouts and activities but what about when you are in a strange town? Teen-agers need to spend some time with kids their own age, learn about different lifestyles, and parents need to know that their children are safe. There are times your parental instincts tell you the answer is no and other times you feel you can let go. This is definitely an arena ripe for conflict.

Allow me to share some "single parent travel with teen-ager" vignettes with you, if for no other reason than to let you know you are not alone.

* The summer my daughter turned sixteen, we spent a couple of nights in Cooperstown, NY en route to Niagara Falls. Besides the Baseball Hall of Fame, this delightful town has many fine museums including an indoor/outdoor Farmer's Museum showing what life was like in this part of the country in the mid 1800's. The kids had a ball trying out the popular games of that period including the stilts. We were soon joined by a local guide, a mannerly and poised young man of eighteen. About twenty minutes later he walked purposefully over to me. I knew at that moment he was going to ask permission to take my daughter out that night. I also knew at that moment I would say yes. There were three reasons:

1. He had been respectful and looked me in the eye when he earlier introduced himself.
2. He was attending a state university in the fall on a full scholastic scholarship. I doubted he wished to do anything that would jeopardize that.
3. My daughter and I needed a few hours break from each other. This year had been the most difficult and traumatizing in our parent/teen relationship.

I advised the young man of my daughter's midnight curfew and he nodded. Much to my surprise my daughter was returned to our guesthouse shortly after 11:00pm. (She never came home before curfew). The party they attended had ended at 11:00pm. Her escort explained that in a small town like Cooperstown, he was expected to come straight home when a party ended, unless he was willing to risk a search party and the ire of his relatives. It was an educational experience for my daughter and a big quiet chuckle for me.

When my son turned fifteen, we spent an overnight in an historic mining-camp-turned-hotel in the town of Ester, Alaska. I had reserved tickets for the show at the Malamute Saloon. Shortly before the show began, my son ran over to our table, told me he made some new friends, wasn't attending the show, and took off. I shot out of my seat and soon caught up to him and his small group of friends. Coming from a large suburban environment and wanting to do my motherly thing, I pulled out my memo pad and proceeded to ask his friends where they lived and was next prepared to ask for phone numbers. One young man gave me a strange look and pointed to six houses down a dirt road. "That's the extent of the town, Ma'm," he said. "I live in the brown house at the end, but we will probably move about all the houses tonight." At that moment, I couldn't decide whom I had embarrassed more, me or my son. Tucking away my memo pad, I simply said, "Have fun!" and trotted back to the Malamute Saloon in time for the show.

DESTINATIONS FOR TEEN TRAVEL
There are many destinations that have appeal for teen-agers. Basic requirements are an ample supply of other teen-agers, lots of fun activities, and a safe area for your teen-ager to hang out with his or her new friends. Three places come immediately to mind (besides Walt Disney World): U.S National Parks, the Riviera Maya, and Hawaii. You can read more about these destinations on my Web site. Just click on the page below: http://www.singleparenttravel.net/Articles/Destinations.htm I invite readers to send in more suggestions.

READERS' COMMENTS

Oct. `01 T.S. in New Jersey wrote me with a delightful story regarding this article. "We took the boys on vacation in July to Georgia and on the way home came through the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. My sixteen-year-old son was very annoyed by this detour and stuck his head in the pillow the entire time we drove through these beautiful mountains. This was just a waste of time in his opinion. I was very annoyed by his behavior. The following month we went camping in Lake George with my cousin and his family as we do every year. I listened in amazement as my son told his uncle about the beautiful ride through the Blue Ridge Mountains! He talked of the winding roads, gorgeous mountains, and breathtaking views. I wanted to slap him. Thoughts of your article I had just read about traveling with teenagers came to my mind and I just had to laugh instead."

Oct. `01 An interesting idea came from a single parent dad, JN in New Jersey. He had to travel from New Jersey to Connecticut with his son. For logistical reasons, each had to drive a separate car. He purchased a walkie-talkie for each of them, which proved to be fun and an ideal communication solution for the trip.

Additional tips on traveling with teens can be found by clicking here

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